Damn!
Hi, well how are you? Please answer that question. How am I, you ask? Well lets see... My eyes are frickin hurtful from crying. Do I really need to know what he feels towards me? YES. He says he doesn't know how to explain it. Is it that hard? Am I that complicated? Damn writing this out really makes me even more sad. SO I am gonna STOP. k.
Anyways!!!!!!!!! Today was a very TIRING day of waiting for 4 hours and A HALF!!! I missed him so bad. I ended up feeling so sad that my eyes started to get teary. I didn't cry though. Shiet no. But damn, How frikin happy I was when he did come to pick me up. I was in the kitchen about to get some grub then I see somethin red you kno he was wearin red in the corner of my lil eye outside the damn window and ba ba bam there he was. I was like *smileeee*. I wanted to ask him so much questions like "where were you" "why you take so long" and EVEN MORE THAN THAT. But No I just asked why he took so long. LOL. HEY! gotta appreciate my progressness right? One question, aint bad. O.O
While I was waiting, I just talked to my twoan talitha about my sadness LOL Im surprised she aint tired of my sadness. She was feelin' me tho. I tell her so much, you guys don't even know. She knows every bit of why i'm down everytime. She gets it. It's tight like that, it's like I don't even have to try to explain. I used to talk to AJ about stuff but I guess not anymore, I don't know what happened. It's cool, you know.
Kay, nextttttt! Let me think where we went after he picked me up, oh yee we went back to his house and I ate lol I was so hungry I didnt even eat! I ate chicken shoopau? I don't know how to spell it. Hm damn you guys I feel so good inside because last night he wanted to pick out a nickname for me in his language. He looked through a whole book to find a perfect nickname for me. Was I surprised? very very surprised. So it ended up to be katipan.. or kaibigan? I dont know how to spell it either. but they both mean SWEETHEART aww aint that choot.? uh.. k um anyways back to my story tellin to my "date" hahahha. I never used to call our kickin it a date but I guess it is then! lol. After that We went to get ice cream at mukilteo beach and we got strawberry shortcake eheh. then we called julmar up to get us pizza. Ishi wanted chicken alfredo but I didnt wanna buy that cuz it cost too much. OH WELL After that we just went back to his house and stayed there. Fun? yeah
Hmm talked to talitha on the phone like a couple hours after I got home. Her boyfriend sounds alot like me. I aint proud of it though cause I realize I'm kind of a dumbass. Im just surprised there's another one like me. Im tryin to change just dont be mean to me! I dont even know why im typing this xanga and I don't even know why my writing is different. I feel weird. ok maybe I do why
1. Im bored
2. Im sad
3. Im lonely
4. I miss..ew. no. k
Yeah so thats it I guess, no more math talk. What does it take to be happy?!?!?!??! GOSH. I wish I just live near a beach so I wont have anything to think about. Just watching the beautiful view with the waves just bouncin around, watching the sunset through your window. Lay down on the sand with your sweetheart until the sun rises. It's just wonderful you know?! That is the main reason why I want to live near a beach. So I could be stressfree, not think about anything! BUT NO I got to live near the SCHOOL hahaha.
Hm, I remember talking to my mom about who I live with when I move out of home. She told me to not live with a bf and that's fine with me, I don't want to. It's something I want to save for marriage. I don't want to know how he is when he wakes up, I don't want to know every single thing when we aren't married yet. I don't want to wake up being beside him YET. He spent the night once and that feeling was good, waking up beside him, hearing him breathe. I got a taste of that kind of "life", but I don't want to get used to it YET. I think he might want me to live with him though. Even though if I might, SEPARATE ROOMS PLEASE! LOL.
Hm, maybe I shouldn't know what he feels towards me. Maybe I should lay off words and just see the actions. Sooner or later, he would tell me. He said so. He said when he'll figure out and he'll tell me when he's ready. I should just trust him on that. I should just trust tha the would never intend to hurt me. but it's kind of hard when I already knew what he felt towards his exgirlfriend and he knew what to say about her, Not really fair. That started when a person said her name. Ugh. I'm sorry, but I can't take it. It's this bad vibe I get. I'm not tryin to purposely hate, k? It just hurts, it still hurts. No one would understand well except talitha. I adore friendships alot. When I think about it, people leave me. I have never left anyone verbally you know that? Thinking about katy and monica. For three years after I moved to washington, I kept in touch with them. I would write them back when I get their mail, but no it stopped. They stopped writing to me. One never wrote me at all. I guess distance really do matter. It hurts you know, but it's nothing compared to the other one. So I never really get why anyone would betray me. Truthfully, I'm so loyal to my friends. I may have a few mistakes here and there, but I never intend to hurt them. SO WHY do I get this?
Next, Boyfriend-wise. Wait what... I don't have a boyfriend. Does pretending work? yea, it does but its gonna came back to you sooner or later. So let me pretend...
I'm so independent. I'm in love? really? Yes, can't lie about that. I don't give my all to someone, right? Of course I don't. I'm stress-free. Im livin' a world full of happiness. What is love? Oh shoo, don't worry about it. Don't worry about anything. Everything is gonna be okay! I'm okay right now, I've always been okay and I will end up be okay. Optimistism, Great tradition!
Okie! Off to play Tien Len!
. Hope he's safe! Hmmmm.... Wow my hands are so tired from filling out a survey and playin tien len and chatting! gosh. I watched Kiss- Because Im A Girl music video. AND IT SSOOOOOOO SAD. AHH! You guys have to download it. k k good. I don't know why i'm not sleeping yet. I'm startin to reminisce and that SUCKS! geez. i hate reminiscin but it just comes naturally. Anyways, I hear people laughing outside and its scary now imma close my window cuz i think they're drunk k brb. k back. I can still hear them! GEEZ. will they just get it over with! haha.... Hmm. Ishi said he'll try to pick me up tomorrow! I hope he does! I miss my sayang! =*
Hmm.. Right now, I'm just waiting till my hummie comes over. *sigh* He said he 's gonna come around ten, but I guess he's too tired to get up. =/. All of a sudden, my xanga look and feel and my new weblog entry boxes changed. The words are all large and it looks weird =x. I want it to go away but I don't know how to do that. Man. I read this thing from tata's profile about a conversation with her friend about how "Would guys stay the way they changed for their girl... or did they do that just to get them?" That's hella messed up. It sounds like a damn act like the girl is fallin in for someone fake. you get it? Shieeet.